We are expected to improve how we perform — to become more efficient, more productive, more effective in how we use our time, energy, and attention. Multitasking, agility, collaboration, work-life balance — all of it sits within the same logic: perform better within the system.

But this logic, while not wrong, is only part of the story.

Optimisation can make us structured, strategic, and highly capable. In fact, it produces remarkably competent people. Yet constant optimisation efforts can leave us drained, disconnected, and operating within structures we never consciously chose or fully understand.

The existing success paradigm focuses on improving performance within existing structures, rarely questioning where those structures originated or whether they are truly applicable.

Over the years — both in my own development and in working with high-performing professionals — I noticed a recurring pattern: many lives are executed with extraordinary competence, yet remain largely unexamined in their underlying architecture.

Careers advance. Responsibilities grow. Systems become more efficient. Yet the structures behind those decisions—definitions of success, chosen paths, and accepted trade-offs—are usually inherited rather than consciously designed or selected.

It turns out life can be optimised without ever being authored, raising a fundamental distinction.

This distinction becomes visible along two dimensions that shape how we build and experience our lives.

The first is the structure of life: inherited or authored. The second is agency — passive or active, expressed by awareness and discipline. Together, these form a simple 2D map.

Everyone begins in Default. Life unfolds within frameworks shaped by education, culture, family, and definitions of success. Decisions are made within these structures, often unquestioned. Progress happens, but mostly along preset paths.

From the Default, movement can occur in different directions.

Some people become Performers.

They build discipline, work hard, deliver results, and become highly reliable within their systems. They might even meet all the criteria of “being successful.”

Their effort is often directed at goals they did not consciously choose. They optimise what exists, rather than question whether it should exist at all. They are efficient, but not necessarily aware. Their efficiency operates by proxy — in service of social and familial expectations they did not consciously choose.

On a different path, others become Seekers.

They understand how systems work, how power moves, and where things do not add up. They recognise misalignment — in organisations, in expectations, often in their own lives. They seek truth, authenticity, and alignment. But they do not act on it. They hesitate, overthink, wait, or expect clarity before acting. Life happens to them as they play no active part. And so, despite their awareness, little changes.

And then there are those who grow to be Authors.

They combine awareness with discipline and deliberately use their agency. They question existing structures and take responsibility for reshaping them as needed. They act deliberately, not impulsively. They adjust when things don’t work. They stop waiting for recognition and start deciding what matters.

Externally, they do not look very different. But their reality begins to change. Not dramatically — subtly.

They choose the direction of their lives. They own them. They live them deliberately.

The result isn’t perfection. It’s genuine integration — a sense of purpose that sustains itself. A life not just executed, but consciously authored and truly lived.

It started as a playful social experiment — a handful of questions sent to friends, inviting them to reflect on how they see me. The answers — and non-answers — revealed far more than I expected.

People recognise my strength, presence, and reliability. They see the guide, the organiser, the one who holds things together when the world frays. Those are also the very foundations of my entrepreneurial work — structure, clarity, and responsibility — and I’m grateful that others see in me what I aim to cultivate in my business.

But recognition and reciprocation are not the same. The very people who benefit from structure and generosity often fail to respond when asked for a contribution. I’ve learned to accept that as their own rhythm of engagement, and to focus instead on staying true to mine — keeping my giving intentional, not expectant.

Now, to the deeper, more revealing layer of my experiment.

We live in a world that celebrates responsiveness but practises passivity; that wants access to wisdom without the slight discomfort of contribution. Commitment is often confused with enthusiasm. Support is measured in words, not in actions.
At times, it feels as if something in our shared awareness has thinned. People walk the streets as if they own them, expecting others to give way. Commuters press forward before travellers can step off the train. Small gestures of consideration — once instinctive — now seem optional. It’s as though our collective etiquette has been quietly rewired: we move through the world assuming space will adjust around us. What used to be awareness has turned into assumption, and assumption has quietly become the new normal.

It made me wonder — is it natural, even acceptable, to prioritise one’s own needs so thoroughly? When we receive help or guidance, the exchange is clear. But when reciprocity is expected, it suddenly becomes negotiable. How often have we all forgotten to write a review, return a favour, or reply to a message — because we were busy, because it slipped our mind, because life simply moved on — and all of that was true. Yet it leaves me questioning why the need to reciprocate never speaks as loudly as the need to receive.

And yet — this isn’t cynicism. It’s data. A mirror. A quiet prompt to reassess where and how we invest our giving. Because generosity without awareness can easily become depletion, and attentiveness without boundaries turns into quiet exhaustion.

The lesson isn’t to give less, but to provide consciously — to notice which exchanges sustain us and which quietly drain the very energy we try to offer others.

What this experiment confirmed for me is that integrity and awareness are not lofty virtues but quiet acts of respect. They hold together the invisible fabric of trust — in friendship, in work, in life. Acting with awareness is how we quietly close the space between intention and action.

In the end, the experiment was not about others.

It was about what I learned — that genuine connection begins where expectation ends, and that awareness of who engages, who listens, and who follows through is less a judgment than a quiet education in human nature.

I’m naturally assertive, quick to make decisions, process-driven, and proactive. I don’t like fluff. I value clarity, structure, and efficiency. I set and uphold boundaries, lead through service, and don’t shy away from uncomfortable truths. Over more than a decade supporting C-level executives, I’ve come to be known – fondly, repeatedly – for getting things done. Precision is my nature. Clear communication and a steady feedback loop are my norm. I seek systemic and sustainable solutions, and I take pride in the results.

My counterpart had a different professional profile. They often aligned with group consensus, valued emotional harmony over objective clarity, and avoided direct conflict. Their communication style was relational and adaptive, sometimes contributing before fully understanding the broader context. They did not typically take the initiative or operate in a leadership capacity, and structure did not appear to be a natural strength for them.

It’d not be the first time I worked with someone with a different perspective, and it was never a problem. In fact, diverse approaches are enriching, and I’ve always come away from such collaborations, having learned one or two valuable tricks. Mutual respect was always present, and the differences of the stakeholders were always utilised to enrich the outcome.

The challenge arose when the difference in styles shifted from coexistence to correction.

Over time, they began offering repeated suggestions and comments aimed at adjusting aspects of my behaviour that were the expressions of my natural working style:

• “You should smile more” – offered in moments of focused concentration.

• “Try to be more open-minded” – when I pointed out an uncomfortable truth.

• “We’re all in this together” – when I refused to take on unrelated extra work.

These suggestions weren’t overtly hostile, but they were persistent. They carried the quiet implication that my way of working, despite being effective and professionally sound, needed softening or change.

Attempts to address this openly did not lead to meaningful change. Whether it was intentional or not remained unclear. The cumulative effect, however, was undeniable: I began to feel under pressure to alter my nature to maintain professional peace. Over time, the emotional toll began to take its toll: it drained me, resulting in a quiet fatigue that I couldn’t pin down at first. It slowly blurred the line between who I was and who I felt pressured to become.

And that is where the deeper issue lies.

Soft control, especially when delivered with politeness and good intentions, can be more difficult to confront than overt dysfunction. Because it’s not framed as conflict – it’s framed as care. When you try to resist or name it, you become the problem. The one who is too sensitive. Too defensive. Too difficult.

Inclusion has become a corporate value – one we reference in vision statements and team principles. But what does it look like in practice?

Inclusion means accepting different ways of being, not merely tolerating them but making room for them without expecting change. It means refraining from shaping others in our image, even when we believe we’re doing so for their benefit.

Having more seniority, being older, or holding strong interpersonal skills does not justify attempts to correct others into a preferred behavioural mould. Inclusion does not mean guiding people towards similarity. It means allowing differences to exist without challenge.

Even if no harm is intended, the impact of repeated corrective suggestions can be substantial.

At first, I internalised the discomfort, questioning whether I was too rigid or too direct. But over time, I began to see a different pattern emerging.

It took reflection and distance for me to understand that this wasn’t personal. It was a projection of their values, in the same way that – if I’m not mindful – I might also project mine. Recognising that helped me detach and recover clarity. And that clarity gave space for insight.

This experience served as a strong reminder of something we often overlook:

• Our preferences shape our professional values and behavioural norms

• We often try to nudge others into them

• Inclusion and respect begin when we stop doing that

Diversity and inclusion aren’t passive ideals. They require active practice and constant review.

When was the last time you examined your habits?

• Do you offer unsolicited advice framed as helpfulness?

• Do you assume your way of working is the benchmark for others?

• Do you accept differences even when they challenge your comfort or slow down your rhythm?

• Do you listen to understand – or to correct?

Respect is not agreement. It’s not sameness. It’s not comfort.

It’s recognising the wholeness of the other, even when their way is not your way.

It’s letting people show up fully without feeling the need to change them.

It’s trusting that strength wears many forms – and that none need to be softened to be worthy of space.

Respect is not resemblance. Inclusion is a verb. And differences do not need permissions. Let’s practice respecting and including those around us the way they are – starting with ourselves.

Except it very much feels about you. Didn’t you give it everything? Didn’t you care? Weren’t you recognised for going the extra mile, praised for your engagement, admired for doing it all – and then some?

Relationship illusion

We do not openly talk about it much, but many of us approach our work like we approach relationships. We show up fully—head on, heart on the sleeve, ready to work hard and prove our loyalties and enoughness. We invest our all, hoping to be seen, recognised, and safe. We matter. We are ready to belong.

Disillusionment

Until one day we learn: companies are not built to love us back. They are built to serve their shareholders’ business (and sometimes personal) interests.

Nobody sends you flowers when it happens. You get a calendar invite instead. A new org chart, new mission or vision statement, new processes and ways of working, new expectations. And just like that – you are no longer who you (thought) you were here.

Not because you failed—but because the business needs changed. And you, dear valuable employee, are part of the system, not above it. It is up to you to adjust to this new reality. You do not expect the system to adjust to you, do you really?

It hurts.

Empowerment

Until it doesn’t. Until you see that if the system can move on easily – so can you. You can be as pragmatic, business-first, and justified in pursuing your interests.

You stop being the one waiting to be chosen. You start being the one who makes the choices.

Self-care

Self-care is keeping your identity bigger than your job title.

Self-care is investing in your network, visibility, skills and knowledge – not only your output.

Self-care is saying yes to yourself first and then finding a system that says yes to you.

Self-care is being yourself first and choosing any further roles to play with love, grace, awareness, and compassion.

The win

The most powerful shift in your professional life happens when you realise that no company owes you a future and that you do not owe your sense of self to any company.

Once this realisation hits home – every decision is yours. Every move is yours. And every win is genuinely yours.

Why is it my favourite? While we often think of integrity simply as honesty, I’ve come to realise that integrity has deeper, more far-reaching implications that might surprise you.

What is integrity?

At its core, integrity means being consistent in our actions, values, and beliefs, creating a solid foundation of trust and reliability. In leadership, integrity builds credibility and nurtures an environment where transparency and accountability thrive. Leaders who embody integrity inspire their teams, cultivating loyalty and commitment while fostering a culture of ethical behaviour. It shapes how we interact with others, influences our relationships and guides our decision-making.

What about the lack of integrity?

The absence of integrity can appear in various ways and profoundly affect relationships, trust, and overall well-being.

One clear sign of a lack of integrity is the disconnect between what one says and what they do. Leaders might express a commitment to transparency or collaboration but fail to act on it. For instance, a leader might encourage open communication yet dismiss differing opinions or overlook team concerns. This inconsistency can lead to frustration and confusion among team members, who may feel that their leader’s words are empty promises.

Another indicator of a lack of integrity is the tendency to devalue individual contributions. When leaders ignore or consistently overlook their team members’ input, they send a message that those contributions—and even the people behind them—are unimportant. This can lead to a culture where employees feel their ideas and efforts don’t matter, diminishing their motivation and belief in the organisation’s mission.

Then there’s the substitution of concepts, which involves replacing genuine ethical principles with superficial ideas that serve a self-serving agenda. Leadership might use buzzwords like culture, commitment to perfection, or teamwork yet fail to live up to those values in practice. For example, a leader may talk about prioritising employee well-being but focus on superficial bonding activities instead of addressing real issues like workload and stress. This disconnect erodes trust and leaves employees disillusioned as the gap between words and actions becomes increasingly apparent.

Another troubling example is when leadership turns a blind eye to disrespectful behaviour from a high-performing employee simply because of their success in the organisation. This creates an unhealthy work environment and communicates that performance is valued more than respect and collaboration, undermining team dynamics and morale.

Developing and maintaining integrity

Fostering personal integrity is vital for effective leadership and building trust in professional and personal relationships. Here are some practical steps we can all take to cultivate our integrity:

Define Personal Values: Start by identifying and articulating your core values. Knowing what principles matter most to you will guide your decisions and actions.

Practice Self-Reflection: Regularly take time to evaluate your actions and behaviours in light of your values. Evaluating your decisions—especially in tough situations—helps ensure you stay true to your integrity.

Set Clear Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial for maintaining integrity. Knowing what behaviours you will and will not accept protects your ethical standards and personal values.

Be Honest and Transparent: Make honesty a priority in all your interactions. Whether communicating, making decisions, or owning up to mistakes, transparency fosters trust and encourages others to be open.

Hold Yourself Accountable: Take responsibility for your actions and decisions. Acknowledging and learning from mistakes is vital to integrity and shows your commitment to personal growth.

Seek Feedback from Others: Don’t hesitate to ask trusted peers, friends, mentors, or family for feedback. Their insights can be invaluable for understanding your behaviour and decision-making.

Lead by Example: Demonstrate your integrity through consistent actions. By embodying your values, you set a powerful example for others and help create a culture of integrity in your circles.

Stay Informed and Educated: Continuously seek knowledge about ethical practices and decision-making. Staying informed helps you enhance your integrity and navigate complex situations more effectively.

Practice Empathy and Compassion. Understanding others’ perspectives is essential for maintaining integrity. Empathy can lead to more ethical decisions and substantial, respectful relationships.

Commit to Continuous Improvement: Remember that integrity is a lifelong journey. Stay committed to personal development and seek opportunities to grow in your ethical leadership and values. This ongoing effort reinforces the importance of integrity in your life.

Self-awareness is a fundamental attribute of effective leadership and a powerful tool for introspection, emotional intelligence, authenticity, and a commitment to continuous improvement. Self-aware individuals are usually attuned to their emotions, reactions, and behaviour patterns. This attunement enables them to make informed decisions and navigate life’s challenges with clarity and purpose through a mindful and balanced approach to living, acknowledging and embracing the interconnectedness of every aspect of life.

Cognitive self-awareness: understanding and managing thoughts – self-reflection

Cognitive self-awareness entails understanding and managing our thoughts through self-reflection. It is essential that we recognise and observe our mental processes without feeling overwhelmed. Developing self-awareness enables us to become more attuned to our thought patterns, identifying negative or unproductive thoughts that can contribute to stress. This heightened awareness, in turn, empowers us to challenge and reframe these thoughts, transforming them into more positive and constructive ones. Consequently, this mental shift reduces stress levels as we gain a clearer perspective on our experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms. The ability to objectively observe thoughts and regulate our response fosters a sense of control and stability, which is fundamental for maintaining mental health.

Emotional self-awareness: understanding and managing emotions – self-regulation

Self-awareness is pivotal for understanding and managing emotions. It enables us to recognise and accurately identify our emotional states. When self-aware, we can discern subtle emotional cues and pinpoint the specific triggers that elicit certain feelings. This understanding allows us to anticipate and prepare for emotional reactions, making us less likely to be caught off guard by intense emotions. By identifying these emotional patterns, we can also explore the underlying causes of their feelings, whether they stem from past experiences, current circumstances, or future anxieties. This insight helps contextualise emotions, making them easier to understand and manage.

Moreover, self-awareness equips us with the tools to regulate our emotions effectively. By being mindful of our emotional responses, we can implement strategies such as deep breathing, positive self-talk, or temporary disengagement from stressful situations to mitigate the impact of negative emotions. This proactive approach to emotional regulation prevents the escalation of emotions, reducing the likelihood of reactive behaviour that can exacerbate stressful situations. Furthermore, self-aware individuals are better at communicating their feelings clearly and assertively, which can lead to more constructive interactions and healthier relationships. In essence, self-awareness fosters emotional resilience, enabling us to navigate the complexities of our emotional landscapes with greater ease and confidence, ultimately enhancing our overall mental well-being.

Social and behavioural awareness: understanding social dynamics and habitual behaviours

Understanding social and behavioural cues is not just about navigating social environments but also about forming meaningful relationships. Being attuned to cues such as body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions helps us comprehend the emotions and intentions of others, leading to more empathetic and appropriate responses. This, in turn, fosters stronger connections and reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings. Furthermore, understanding social norms and dynamics enables us to adapt our behaviour to different contexts in professional settings, social gatherings, or intimate relationships, thus ensuring respectful and effective interactions. In essence, self-awareness is a key to building bridges and fostering understanding in social interactions.

Behavioural awareness involves recognising our behaviour patterns and understanding how these behaviours are perceived by and impact others. This self-awareness empowers us to identify habits that may be counterproductive or harmful to ourselves or our relationships and consciously work to change them. For instance, someone who tends to dominate conversations can strive to become a better listener, leading to improved social interactions and a more collaborative environment. Similarly, addressing behaviours such as procrastination, aggression, or passivity can result in personal growth and more positive social outcomes. By combining social and behavioural awareness, we can strike a harmonious balance between our actions and the expectations of our social environment, leading to more effective communication, stronger relationships, and improved social functioning.

Pathways to Cultivate Self-awareness

Self-reflection

Taking time to think about your thoughts, behaviours, attitudes, motivations, and desires, as well as what moves and triggers you, is the simplest way of self-reflection.

Journalling

To harness the impact of all the thinking – write it down.

Mindfulness

Being focused on every task or activity you do, being fully present, avoiding multitasking, and automatic processing leads to mindfulness.

Feedback

Asking for feedback at work and at home is a great way to discover new perspectives of yourself. Thinking about the feedback, comparing behaviours, objectively evaluating external input, and internalising or introducing adjustments where one deems fit take us back to self-reflection, which closes the circle.

Self-awareness and personal success

If you know where you are going, you’ll end up exactly where you wanted.

There is no mystical connection between self-awareness and success, as there is no magic pill to take to become successful. Getting to know oneself, learning how and what one thinks and feels, seeing how one behaves, and recognising that one always has a choice of how to react or respond in any situation leads to specific, measurable, and desired results. In short, self-awareness leads to success. Personal success is a collateral result of being self-aware.

In the ever-evolving leadership landscape, one principle remains constant: personal responsibility. At the heart of effective leadership lies the recognition that our actions, decisions, and behaviours shape our paths and those of the teams and organisations we lead. Personal responsibility in leadership is more than just a buzzword; it’s a guiding principle that sets the foundation for trust, credibility, and success.

It all starts with us: Understanding the foundation of leadership within ourselves

At its essence, personal responsibility demands an unwavering commitment to owning one’s decisions and consequences, transcending the realm of corporate leadership and rooting deep into everyone’s personal life. Personal responsibility compels us to embrace the accountability inherent in every decision, recognising that every action reverberates through the corridors of influence. Whether navigating through times of prosperity or adversity, leaders who embody personal responsibility demonstrate an unyielding resolve to confront challenges head-on, viewing setbacks not as stumbling blocks but as opportunities for growth and learning.

Before we aspire to lead others effectively, we must embark on the transformative journey of leading ourselves. This means taking ownership of our actions, behaviours, and decisions and recognising that we are ultimately responsible for the outcomes we achieve. Leadership begins with self-awareness, authenticity, and a commitment to integrity, laying the groundwork for inspiring and empowering others. At the core of leading oneself lies the concept of taking ownership – ownership of our actions, behaviours, and decisions. This entails a willingness to acknowledge our triumphs and failures, recognising that we are the architects of our destinies. By embracing this responsibility, we cultivate a sense of accountability and empower ourselves to shape the outcomes we desire proactively.

Self-awareness serves as the compass that guides us on this introspective journey. It requires a deep and honest reflection of our strengths, weaknesses, values, and aspirations. Through introspection and self-examination, we gain invaluable insights into our motivations, biases, and areas for growth. With this self-knowledge, we can navigate life’s complexities with clarity and purpose, making informed decisions that align with our authentic selves.

Exploring the core principles: Integrity, accountability, authenticity, self-awareness and the concept of taking ownership

Integrity is often defined as being honest, having strong moral principles, and acting consistently between one’s words, actions, and values, regardless of external pressures or circumstances. It is a fundamental attribute of effective leadership, characterised by honesty, consistency, and ethical behaviour. Leaders who prioritise integrity inspire trust, foster positive relationships, and promote a culture of ethical conduct, creating a foundation for long-term success and meaningful impact on those we lead.

Accountability involves holding oneself and others accountable for one’s performance, behaviour, and results and accepting responsibility for one’s actions, decisions, and outcomes. By promoting accountability at all levels, leaders can create an environment where individuals take ownership of their actions, strive for excellence, and collectively achieve success.

Authenticity, in a general sense, refers to the quality of being genuine, authentic, and sincere. It involves aligning one’s actions, beliefs, and expressions with one’s true self without pretence or artifice. Authenticity in leadership revolves around being genuine, transparent, and true to oneself rather than conforming to external expectations or adopting a persona. Authentic leaders cultivate a deep self-awareness and alignment with their values, beliefs, and principles. By embracing authenticity, leaders can make a meaningful impact on individuals and organisations, leaving a legacy of integrity, resilience, and positive change.

Self-awareness is the ability to recognise and understand one’s thoughts, feelings, motivations, and behaviours. It involves introspection, reflection, and a deep understanding of one’s strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs. Self-aware individuals are attuned to their emotions, reactions, and behaviour patterns, enabling them to make more informed decisions and navigate life’s challenges with clarity and purpose.

Self-awareness is a fundamental attribute of effective leadership, characterised by introspection, emotional intelligence, authenticity, and a commitment to continuous improvement.

Ownership refers to a proactive mindset where individuals accept the successes and failures that result from their actions rather than attributing them solely to external factors. Ownership empowers us to take control of our lives and make conscious choices aligned with our values and goals. Rather than dwelling on setbacks or blaming external factors, individuals with a sense of ownership maintain a positive outlook and persevere in pursuing their goals. In leadership, ownership is essential for driving accountability, achieving results, and building trust and credibility with team members and stakeholders.

Conclusion: Leadership is human

As we conclude this exploration of personal responsibility in leadership, it becomes clear that it all starts with us. Personal and professional leadership begins with self-awareness, authenticity, integrity, and a strong sense of ownership. It requires accountability to substantiate our beliefs and ideas. Embracing personal responsibility becomes a powerful catalyst for transformation and growth, as well as for empowerment and inspiration.

Looking at leadership through this lens, we can also see that it transcends corporate hierarchy and titles, is a mindset, and can be practised at every level of personal and professional life.

Where focus goes, energy flows.

Tony Robbins

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the myriad of tasks, responsibilities, and distractions that demand our attention. However, amidst the chaos, there lies a powerful tool that has the potential to reshape our lives — focus. The ability to consciously decide what to focus on is not just a skill; it’s a superpower that empowers us to take control of our destinies, make things happen, and ultimately improve the quality of our lives. At its core, focus is the art of directing our attention deliberately. When we harness this ability, we become architects of our experiences, choosing where to invest our mental and emotional energy. By doing so, we create a roadmap for our lives, steering away from the drift of circumstance and into the driver’s seat of our destiny.

Focusing is not merely a passive process but a conscious decision requiring intention and discipline. Through this intentional attention, we exercise our agency — the innate power to influence our surroundings and shape our reality. Every decision to concentrate on a goal, a passion, or a positive mindset is a declaration of agency, a statement that we are not mere spectators but active participants in our lives.

When we focus, we eliminate the noise that clouds our minds and dilutes our efforts. By honing in on what truly matters, we unlock a reservoir of productivity and creativity. Goals that once seemed impossible become achievable, and dreams that appeared distant start to materialise. In these moments of unwavering concentration, the magic happens as our efforts transform into tangible results.

Moreover, the power of intentional attention extends beyond the realm of productivity. It profoundly impacts our well-being, fostering a sense of clarity and purpose. In a world that constantly bombards us with information and stimuli, the ability to filter out the unnecessary allows us to find meaning amid chaos. As we consciously choose our focal points, we cultivate a sense of fulfilment that transcends the superficial and taps into the essence of a meaningful life.

In conclusion, the power of focus is not just a productivity hack; it is a philosophy that empowers us to seize control of our lives. By deciding where to direct our attention, we wield our agency and shape our destinies. The intentional focus is transformative — turning aspirations into achievements and chaos into clarity. So, let us embrace this superpower, take charge of our focus, and watch as our lives unfold in alignment with our deepest desires.

One is considered to be successful if one fulfils specific criteria. The criteria are mostly tied to measurable milestones like the amount of money in your bank account, level of hierarchical position in a corporate world, the luxuriousness of lifestyle and the grade of fame.

From a young age, one is expected to strive to be successful. One must achieve goals and qualifications and obtain possessions and degrees to succeed.

Funnily enough, achieving specific goals and obtaining particular possessions is called accomplishment. What makes accomplishment a success is that society validates these specific accomplishments as success.

Why does this external validation of specific characteristics play a significant role?

Every human being uses measurement and comparisons to understand the world around us. Measurement permeates every aspect of our life. The origins of the necessity to measure and compare go back to when we were roaming the planes searching for food and shelter. Being able to determine distance and discern eatable fruits from poisonous ones is probably the most basic use of measurement and comparison in history.

Today, we use success to compare ourselves with others – it seems an easy way to find our place in life.

Another funny thought: everything that is not directly objective, like the distance between two hills or the size of two apples, cannot be compared. It lacks a frame of reference. Whenever looking at the success or failure of the other person, one has to keep in mind that the road that led this person to this success or this failure is as different from the road you’ve trodden as it can be.

Evolution from hunter-gatherers to modern humans has left us with this outdated tool. Now that we see this, we no longer have to use it. We can choose our reference framework, internalise and apply it to all our endeavours.

Success is individual. You choose what your success is.

Little did I think about the flip side of my choices.

You see, each choice comes with a small print. With every choice to do something, you choose not to do some other thing. Or things. Sometimes, these no-choices are self-explanatory – if you decide to take a train to go to visit your friend, it is self-explanatory that you’ll not be driving a car.

There are, however, hidden choices that you make each time you make a choice; and they might be not immediately visible. You might not even think these are the no-choices immediately.

When you choose to be a business owner, you decide to allocate a chunk of your time to it. Each coaching client takes up a space you could have used for sleep, additional pilates class, new hobby.
Whatever we choose, we also choose at least one “not-to”.

It is called opportunity cost.

My goal list now includes the opportunity cost section. Because when the excitement of the new project wears off and I fall into the old patterns (as we all eventually do), the opportunity costs are what remind me of how I choose not to spend my time for the sake of achieving that goal.

Check in with your life spheres

I feel reconnecting with my life spheres is the most impactful action when doing my mid-year reviews. It does not only help me to plan my life holistically. It enables me to see what focus areas, projects, goals or tasks are not in line with my current life course anymore. If you have never done this before, you might find the Wheel of Life exercise in my Document Library quite useful.

Check in with your goals

Checking in with your goals has two immediate benefits. First, you can see your progress and celebrate it. Second – you gain more clarity about your actual goals and might even strike some of them off the list or add new ones instead.

Revise your methods until it works for you

Especially in the beginning, the variety of goal-tracking methods might seem overwhelming. Do I write it down? Do I track the progress daily? Or weekly? Which goal planning method to use? Do I use a paper notebook or an app? Which app? 

Without personal experience, we might be paralysed by the variety of online tips and tricks. With time you’ll learn what works for you and settle in favour of one method or another (or distil your own). It is important to remember that the tools you use should empower you and work for you – and not the other way around.

Celebrate progress

Celebrating progress might seem like an obvious thing to do; however, appreciating our small wins boosts our confidence and motivates us.

What could you have done differently?

Reflection is a powerful learning tool. In the haste of the moment, we choose the suitable decision and move on to the next challenge. Looking back at the decisions we’ve made and the consequences these decisions brought about helps us become more self-aware, look at the motives of our behaviours, recognise areas of improvement and build up consciousness.

It is essential to remember that the purpose of reflection is not to regret the choices you could have made and did not or beat yourself up. The purpose of reflection is to learn about your decision-making habits, learn the skill of identifying more than one solution, and learn about the motives and the drivers of your behaviour.

Update your goals

Remember, your goals are there to serve you and not the other way around. During life, we grow and change and so do our goals. It is reasonable to adjust them instead of wasting time and energy trying to reach a goal that holds no meaning.

Establish agency

Reviewing your goals and reflecting on your behaviours helps you see whether you are using your agency – the ability to act to produce the desired outcome.

I believe there are only two modi operandi we can choose for our lives – we can actively design our lives or live the lives that happen to us. We can be either players or victims.

Players consciously choose to use their agency to design their lives. Victims give up their agency to others, who decide how to design their lives.

By approaching the goal-setting with the conscious agency, we can step away from blaming the external obstacles and see what we can learn from this experience. It equips us to face our following challenges and teaches us to be flexible, responsible, holistic and growth-oriented.

Through practising our agency, we become the actual designers of our lives.

The article caused few discussions. After reading it, even people I didn\’t know before contacted me to share their thoughts. One of the most interesting questions I\’ve received was this – do you think there is a connection between being aware of your strengths and being confident?

I believe knowing your strengths is the simplest step to being more confident. Curiously, identifying your strengths can also enhance self-development and leadership.

Boost your confidence

Knowing your strengths helps you navigate the world more confidently. Imagine you carry a toolbox with you wherever you go. Each time you case a new challenge, you look into your toolbox and equip yourself with any helpful tool.

One could argue that the ability to do something is already enough to do it. However, we react to new challenges emotionally (unknown scares us), especially if we are not confident at all. While scrolling through the strength toolbox, we gain the necessary time to take a deep breath, apply a resourceful approach and decide how to proceed. Once we have our toolbox and use it habitually, we will remember our strengths without looking into them each time.

Encourage self-awareness

Most of the people I have asked to tell me what their strengths are, we\’re able to mention 5 to 7 qualities and skills. Probed further, they struggled and often needed some time to name a few more. Additionally, I noticed that they often had difficulties translating certain qualities of their characters or behaviours into strengths.

We don\’t usually spend our Sunday morning reflecting on our life, accomplishments, successes, failures, lifestyle, and habits over a cup of coffee. Curiously, it is one of the most empowering exercises. Learning to see ourselves clearly helps us become self-aware as opposed to self-conscious. Self-awareness (or self-reflection) is also one of the traits of responsible leaders.

Strengthen your communication and people skills

Effective communication is another trait of responsible leaders, combined with compassion, kindness, a growth mindset and feedback-giving skills. I believe strengths-based leadership is one of the most engaging, enriching and gratifying leadership styles. It includes investing in others\’ strengths, getting people with the right strengths on your team and being considerate of the needs of your followers.

By creating a work environment that is engaging and appropriately challenging, a leader can develop a sense of belonging, growth, and contributions. It contributes to retention, trust and loyalty in the team.

It is, however, essential to know your strengths before one can concentrate on the strengths of others. With grown self-awareness and confidence, communication skills evolve naturally. The ability to self-reflect encourages kindness and open-mindedness. They strengthen communication and other people\’s skills even further.

How to know your strengths?

There are several psychological reasons it can be hard to identify your strengths. On the one hand, our minds are wired to focus on the negative because recognising threats used to be essential for survival. We drag these prehistoric impulses into our modern world; therefore, we first notice the weaknesses.

On the other hand, our minds are hardwired to compare (for the exact evolutionary reason). Hence, we compare ourselves to the highest achievers and icons we follow.

Neither makes sense in today\’s world, still, we religiously practise these habits daily. The good news is that we can change habits if we are determined and aware.

Our strengths include our natural talents, learned skills and competencies, and experiences. Ask yourself:

• What is it that you can do effortlessly?

• What do you do when you are lazy but still have to complete a task?

• How do you do things when they are demanding?

• What advantages do you have that no one else has?

• What do you do better than anyone else

• What tasks do you most often end up taking care of?

• What achievements are you most proud of?

• What values do you believe in?

• How do your family members, friends and colleagues describe you?

• What roles do you naturally assume when in your (familiar/friendly/professional/unknown) circle?

• What qualities are listed in your latest professional reference letter?

I bet your list is way more extensive now than it had been before this exercise.

Enjoy! If you want to dig deeper, try my Strength finder in the Document Library.

Beliefs are the results of particular experiences or knowledge or influences of the environment we come from, as I have argued in one of my earlier articles. They are catalogued by our brain and form a significant part of our perception of reality.

Among many quotes, my favourite one about our beliefs is the one attributed to Paolo Coelho:

You are what you believe yourself to be.

It is truly empowering. However, whenever I think about its meaning, I think about an ancient Roman god Janus – a god of beginnings, gates, transitions, endings and duality. Janus, you see, was usually depicted as having two faces. One face of Janus is facing the future, whereas the other face the past.

It is, indeed, the case with the majority of our beliefs. They originate somewhere in our past, influence the future, and might be empowering or limiting without us consciously knowing it.

They say that the power of beliefs resides in their ability to do four things: create a vision, generate strength of will, develop resilience and unleash us. I believe that the first ability – the ability to create vision – is the most important.

There is a flip side, though – not all beliefs are empowering. On the contrary, some of our beliefs can be limiting and even harmful in the long term. Why is that?

If we think about beliefs as shortcuts, as Kain Ramsay suggests in his book, the explanation seems to be simple. Shortcuts are based on past experiences. Each time our brain uses such a shortcut, it does it without consciously assessing the situation. It does not consider the knowledge or experience, nor does it consider skills we‘ve gained since our brain created that shortcut.

These shortcuts use what we knew as kids to deal with challenges we face as grown-ups. Let me give you an example.

I was raised by a single mother and spent a lot of time around my grandparents, who have seen war, famine and poverty. Among many great things I‘ve learned from them, there is a concept of causality between your wellbeing and the efforts you put into what you do. Here are just a few examples of how the grown-ups around me would shape my image of the world:

• A cat in the glove catches no mice

• He that will eat the kernel must crack the nut

• No pain, no gain

• Hard work pays off

• No sweet without some sweat

• No cross, no crown

• You can‘t catch trout with dry trousers

On and on, they would go, teaching me that working hard and applying myself would eventually ensure my wellbeing.

Over many years, this belief has guided and motivated me. Because I applied and worked hard, I succeeded where others didn‘t; I created a life for myself that I dreamt of. I upgraded my dreams, set new goals and worked on them.

But something felt wrong. On the surface, everything seemed to be all right. I would float in external acknowledgement and mentor a few youngsters, helping them become more efficient, productive, and successful. And yet, there I was, unsure whether what I do is what I want to do, jumping on seemingly attractive projects that did not align with my values and principles, doubting my very self. I would go through my vision and my goals, again and again, always ending up with the same vision statement and same priorities and goals. Still, it just wasn’t working out well.

It took me some time to realise what bugs me. It was too easy. There was no more hard work involved – writing, masterminding, mentoring, being a successful assistant was easy. Even learning new skills was not challenging — no grit, just fun.

My core belief that hard work pays off flipped on me. Having fun did not fit the perception of working hard. It felt like I‘d have the reward I had not yet earned. It felt like cheating.

As it turns out, our belief system needs to be updated from time to time. Certain perceptions that we build our whole world on are getting outdated. Instead of being helpful, they limit us. Here is a simple general framework that helps me recognise when some of my beliefs are limiting me and replace them with empowering beliefs.

Write your beliefs down

Try to understand what stops you whenever you feel stuck or unable to move on with a particular project or adopt a habit that you reasonably believe would improve your life quality. What is it that is in the way? If you cannot figure out the answer, if it feels like all is great and there should be no reason for you to stumble, but you still do – it is quite a failproof sign that some of your core beliefs are at work here.

It is helpful to list all of your beliefs (and add some more as time goes by because you will find them where you least expect them). How do you expect the world to work? List everything you hold to be true, every perception, idea, and expectation.

Look at your beliefs with a critical eye

Ask yourself, why is this true? And most importantly, ask yourself why it cannot be true. Don‘t hold on to the security of your conviction – ask yourself „why“ so many times until you have a factually accurate answer. You might be amazed at the end of this exercise. As I‘ve mentioned, some of our beliefs are created when we are young and are not aligned with the changed life circumstances of a grown-up person.

Separate the wheat from the chaff

Ask yourself if your beliefs support you or limit you. You must define it after you have critically assessed your beliefs. We build our realities around our beliefs and let them guide our actions. However, we are also emotionally attached to our beliefs. Shaking this construct can be disruptive, so it would be rational to start with those that are not only limiting but also not true.

Phrase the outdated belief in an empowering way

I find that rephrasing an outdated belief in an empowering way is more manageable than dumping the outdated belief entirely and creating a new one instead. Emotional attachment plays a role, but it also requires less energy. And our brain loves energy-saving more than anything else – having extra energy stored is essential for survival.

Be kind and patient

Your brain will need some time to adjust to your changes and update the shortcut. Unlearning old ways is challenging, often emotionally charged and above all – it takes time. You might want to re-read the arguments in your framework to remind yourself why are you doing this.

Life-changing beliefs

In conclusion, I‘d like to share four beliefs that shape our characters and greatly influence our lives. Are these beliefs empowering or limiting you? How do they shape your reality? Have they ever shown you their flipside?

• You can achieve anything you want

• You’re special and unique

• Your opinion matters

• You’re in control of your life

Fear is something most people struggle with. It is a complicated emotion that can feel very alien and strange; it often disempowers and paralyses us. Fear is, however, one of the basic emotions we humans experience and exists for a reason. Fear is a natural response to any situation in which your body senses that something is out of the ordinary. It has accompanied us on our evolutional journey helping us survive. Like any other emotion, it is natural and can become our friend instead of foe. Here is how.

Practice awareness

The first step to understanding your fear is to become aware of it.

I find it helpful to take a few deep breaths to calm my emotions and mind. I then ask myself, “What am I feeling right now?” In the beginning, with little practice in naming my feelings, the answer often would be “I am stressed”. I would continue questioning until I got to the core. It takes time and courage to dig up the honest answer since being scared is often frowned upon as a weakness.

Being honest helps me identify emotions like fear, and I can move to the second step – acknowledgement.

Acknowledge that you are afraid

Once you name it, you acknowledge fear’s existence; you allow yourself to feel it. It is essential to refrain from any urge to judge the situation, to label yourself as a loser or coward or else. In the acknowledgement phase, you admit that you experience the emotion you have become aware of and nothing else.

This phase is short and still, I believe, one of the most important phases in understanding fear. It relates to any other emotions you experience as well. When we refuse to acknowledge something we feel, we deny our feelings. However, the emotion does not disappear because we deny it – it stays. It influences our actions and mental and even physical condition; it grows with time, robs us of the energy and creates a conflict in ourselves. I believe that every emotion is there for a reason, and it is wiser to learn to integrate them into our lives than to deny and resist – in the long term, of course.

Understand the nature of fear

Fear is a complicated emotion that can feel very alien and strange. You see, fear is a normal, even healthy, emotion. It’s just one of the many ways we protect ourselves from danger and keep ourselves from harm. But fear can be scary, even paralysing, when you’re not used to it. That’s why it’s essential to understand what it is and how it feels.

Fear is a natural emotion that is triggered when we sense danger. Fear can be specific to a particular situation, such as being afraid of heights or lizards. Or it can be general and generalised, which is what we usually think of when we hear the word.

Notwithstanding these many different types of fear, fear is just an emotion we experience due to a universal reaction that triggers the body’s flight-or-fight response. When you are afraid, you are not yet hurt, not yet in danger. It is a warning sign. But tell me, do you stop driving, get out of the car and run away each time you see a “Danger ahead” road sign?

Identify your fear

What do you do when you see the “Danger ahead” road sign? You slow down and look at the explanatory sign accompanying it to see what hazard is in front of you.

Now when you have calmed down and understood that what you are feeling is healthy and valuable, it is time to identify the trigger. Why does this new challenge scare you? Is it because you don’t have enough practical skills to accomplish it? What are the skills you need? Can you outsource them? Can you learn them?

Identifying your fear is a handy tool to use when you are afraid. It takes your mind off the perceived immediate danger. Your pulse calms down, you are getting more curious than scared, and you switch into solution-finding mode.

Choose response and not reaction

The difference between response and reaction is a conscious choice. You see, reactions are born in our unconscious mind, like instincts. When you react, your subconscious is auto-piloting you.

It might not be the worst thing in the world; however, our subconsciousness is a limited collection of reactions. Its only purpose is to ensure we survive. It does not differentiate between the fear of being eaten by a T-Rex and the fear of taking on a more senior role. It just reacts – either with flight or with a fight.

A response is a thoughtful reply that aligns with your goals and considers all possible outcomes. Each time you choose to respond, you take over the control of your life.

In time, you will have your own collections of fears you have overcome. Looking at my collection, I recognise fear for what it has mostly been for me – a sign that something is about to change. And I welcome it because for me feeling it means that I am about to face another growth opportunity.

Kindness

I was (and still am) afraid of public speaking. The combined load of expectations, attention, challenge and discomfort if I make a fool of myself by making a mistake pressure me. I lose my confidence, sweat, worry, and fear that someone could ask me a question I cannot answer.

Do I scold myself for experiencing this fear? Do I try to prohibit myself from feeling this way? Do I regret feeling fear afterwards? Not at all. I understand my anxiety because I know where it is coming from, and I allow myself to experience it.

There is no use in restricting the emotions – it will only make you more anxious. Instead, you can use the tools you have to ensure the feelings do not influence your performance negatively.

Allow yourself to be you, feel what your body and mind are willing to experience, and be kind towards yourself. Kindness creates kindness. Each time I’ve spoken in front of the public, I leave the stage feeling grateful to myself. And if I have made some mistakes, I add them to my Growth Compass – a list I keep with all the things I want to know about, study and master in the future.

This article was originally posted on my webpage and this is a re-worked version of it.

• Push it away.

• Ask for help or instruction.

• Postpone it.

• Do what you can do and leave the parts you don‘t understand.

What emotions do you experience when you face this yet unknown problem? Are you confused? Scared? Stressed? You might even feel resentful or outright angry. How likely are you to feel excited, though?

Have you met people who seem curious whenever life presents them with a challenge, excited even? They rarely seem stressed, confused, or scared when facing a new problem. It is as if they have some superpower that allows them to face any challenge calmly, effortlessly throwing at least a few possible approaches on the table right away.

What if they had a superpower indeed?

Oxford dictionary defines the ability to be good at finding ways of doing things and solving problems as resourcefulness. Resourcefulness is one of the most exciting skills to develop as it can critically impact your decision making. Embracing resourcefulness enhances the ability to master any uncertainty. Here are some benefits of resourcefulness.

Resourcefulness enhances efficiency

Stating the obvious – the ability to find solutions for problems increases the speed and quality of your output, be it professionally or in your personal life. Once you have gathered a variety of problem-solving options at your service, you can juggle, combine and mix them, use and reuse them in various combinations, just like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle.

Self-confidence boost

Whenever you deal successfully with something you have not dealt with before, your self-confidence rises. You see your growth and recognise that you can do more now than you could a year ago, or two, or ten.

You strengthen your confidence by seeing yourself succeed where you wouldn’t think it were possible before. After several iterations, this process will start reinforcing itself – you will confidently approach any new challenge because of the confidence gained from the past successes.

Dealing with uncertainty

According to Simon Sinek, there is no such thing as the certainty of outcome. As a result, long-term success requires us to adjust to the changes, ready to allow uncertainty. Embracing uncertainty and finding opportunities in surprise can only be done if you are resourceful.

Resourcefulness develops flexibility and adaptability. It prepares you for any challenge that you might encounter. It equips you with confidence and expands your field of knowledge.

Resourcefulness improves fear and stress management

We experience fear and stress whenever we face something new and unknown. In my earlier articles, I have shared why conscious choice is the best fear and stress management tool. Resourcefulness enhances your ability to make conscious choices; it creates a solution library. I believe the most powerful choice in this library is the confidence to look for the solution even if you have never done anything like it. You can hardly be scared or stressed while being confident at the same time.

First-principle thinking

First-principles thinking is a problem-solving technique that requires you to break down a complex problem into its most basic foundational elements, ground yourself in the foundational truths and build up from there. Aside from being a super helpful problem-solving technique, first principles thinking is one of the best ways to learn to think for yourself and comes with many additional benefits.

Creativity boost

At the core, learning resourcefulness is like constant brainstorming. It requires you to be open-minded and willing to see new possibilities where you previously recognised none. Indirectly, learning resourcefulness boosts creativity by lowering stress and fear levels, feeding curiosity and building confidence.

Resourcefulness improves communication skills

The simplest way to learn new things is to ask around. I encourage you to do so – because you cannot even imagine the vast amount of knowledge people around you hold. Not only will you learn some valuable practical tips and tricks, but you will also build up your communication muscle and grow your social circle. Asking for help comes with many side benefits, too.

Self-awareness

One of the indirect consequences of embracing resourcefulness is that your world expands as you are exposed to new information, tools, skills and people. Through this experience, you grow and discover new perspectives, principles and even beliefs. You learn self-reflecting – a cornerstone of self-awareness.

Resourcefulness boosts empathy

Learning resourcefulness naturally boosts your ability to put yourself into someone else’s shoes through communication and brainstorming. The ability to understand different perspectives is one of the qualities responsible leaders share, and there are a lot of benefits of being empathetic.

The good news is that resourcefulness is a trainable skill. You learn it by directing your curiosity toward the yet unknown problem and figuring out ways to solve it. Another great way to practice resourcefulness is brainstorming and then reflecting on all the options you‘ve come up with. Brainstorming with others is even more efficient because it gives solutions that have been created by people who look at the problem from a different perspective. Practising first principles thinking is yet another way to learn resourcefulness and many other things.

After a while, you might even adopt resourcefulness as a mindset. Look at the world with curiosity and open-mindedness and ground yourself in the certainty of being able to deal with every situation. Being resourceful is not about knowing what to do in specific cases; it is about knowing that you will be able to find a solution once the need arises.

I looked at the formidable male hovering in front of me, thrown out of balance by his sudden outburst of verbal aggression. “What is it that you want?!” He was yelling at me without giving me the chance to answer. He repeatedly threw his question on me, varying the phrasing ever so slightly, growing louder and more dominating with every second. His verbal avalanche buried my attempts to reply, I could hardly think straight, and I had to make a conscious effort not to leave.

Well, I could have left anytime. But where’s the fun in quitting?

The intimidating person in front of me was my sparring partner in the experiential training I recently did. The purpose of the exercise was to see if the life vision that I have formulated shortly is genuine and authentic. To see if I could hold on to it even stripped of all artificial layers of conventions, expectations, social norms and comfortable routine patterns that made my life so… normal?!

There are two main takeaways from that training. First – most true things are simple. When pressured, it’s the essence of ideas and people that ultimately remains when all decorations fall off. We often cling on to what falls off first when tested hard.

Second – life vision is about being, not having. If you ask yourself, “What do I want and why do I want this?” enough times, you’ll see that what you want is to be – in alignment, happy, helping, supporting, growing etc.

But what is life vision, and how do you find out yours?

The North Star is famous for holding nearly still in our sky while the entire northern sky moves around it. That’s because it’s located nearly at the north celestial pole, the point around which the entire northern sky turns.

I see our true self as the metaphorical celestial pole and our physiological, spiritual, emotional and intellectual life rotating around it.

Suppose you agree to see your life as a journey towards discovering your true self. You will need a reference point, a guiding principle that will help you stay on track. Your life vision is such a guiding principle. However, like with ancient sailors, you have to learn the skills to set your course vision. You might also want to learn how to correct any course deviations caused by external influences like winds or storms.

The good thing is that you only need two tools to do all that and more – the ability to dream and envision.

Dream

Start with dreams once you have decided to figure out your life vision. What did you dream about when you were a kid? Who did you want to be when you’d grow up? What did you dream your house will look like? How many kids will you have? Who your partner would be? What will your work be like? What will you do (and what – don’t)? Start with remembering and reviving the dreams you once had; ask your parents or childhood friends to remind you if you’ve forgotten.

\”If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.”

William Arthur Ward, one of America’s most quoted authors of inspirational maxims

Once you have the list, go through your dreams again, one by one. Move the fantasy-like dreams aside, shorten the list leaving only goal-like dreams. Which dreams did you give up when you grew up? Why? Have you kept any? Why? Which dreams do you wish you would have kept? What do you dream about now? Who do you want to be? How do you want your life to be? Where do you want to live? What do you want to do? What places do you dream of visiting? What people do you dream of being around? What makes you happy? What makes you fulfilled? How do you want to be remembered? What impact do you want to have? What do you want to achieve? What kind of person do you want to be? What do you like to learn? What do you want to experience? What world do you want to live in?

You won’t use all of the dreams you listed to envision your life. However, this exercise aims to allow you to step out of the obligations and expectations and dig out the real you, your wishes, your dreams, your hopes and aspirations, your ambitions, and your life vision.

Envision

Now that you have your dream list let’s get more specific!

The difference between your dream and your vision is your ambition to achieve it. Remember that it is not the time or place to think about how you will practically achieve what you want. For now, concentrate on describing your North Star. Your vision will guide you through life; it will motivate you to stand up after you fall, move on when you are tired and persist when all you seem to want is to give up. Your vision is your dream, written in an ambitious, compelling and authentic way. When you read it, you can visualise it, feel it, long for it.

I find it helpful to make sure my vision covers these three areas – the world I want to live in, the life I want to have and the person I want to be. Once you have written down your vision, it is easier to set actionable goals towards achieving it when it already covers yourself, your life and the world.

I like to phrase my vision with the following three factors in mind:

• responsible – consciously choosing response over reaction;

• holistic – treating the whole rather than just symptoms and the concequences;

• sustainable – continuous, ongoing, able to be maintained at a certain level.

Set the vision!

Once you have envisioned the world, your life and yourself, it’s time to set the vision.

In 1-2 sentences per area, put your vision together. Be descriptive; use your dreams as inspiration. Remain true – leave out anything that does not feel authentic.

Read the outcome out loud to yourself; how does it feel? Does it feel authentic? Does it feel ambitious enough to get you out of bed each morning? Does it excite you? If it does – congratulations, you have your vision!

If you wonder what’s next, I suggest you read my article about holistic goal setting and set your goals – with your new vision in mind!

Today we often speak of leadership and management in an opposing way. The informational space welcomes leadership as something that would replace management. Managers seem to be expected to unlearn the management and embrace the leadership.

During over a decade of being “second in command “, I have worked for leaders, managers, bosses, supervisors and forepeople. Throughout this experience not only have I learned from them – but also studied and compared their decision-making habits.

Blessed with the chance to witness, compare and live different cultures and management styles, I believe leadership grew out of management, same as management grew out of foremanship. Execution, expertise and empathy are the three eras management has gone through, and we are witnessing the third. I also learned that there is one type of leadership worth aspiring to – responsible leadership.

Responsible leadership is about making sustainable decisions that take into account the interests of all stakeholders. But how do you become a responsible leader in the first place? Here are my top takeaways of what makes a responsible leader.

Conscious choice

I believe the conscious choice defines a leader from a manager, however sustainable the decisions of both might be. When you consciously decide to take charge, you become a leader.

Responsibility

A leader sees responsibility as a commitment, not as an obligation. Having made a conscious choice, a responsible leader repeats it incessantly, choosing response over reaction again and again.

Discipline

Being a leader is a choice. Especially at the beginning, leaders have to repeat this choice many times until it becomes a natural way of living. Being this consistent requires discipline. Once mastered, discipline keeps serving the leader in business – when deadlines have to be met, and results have to be delivered.

Communication

Responsible leaders practice effective listening skills and encourage meaningful dialogues. Making informed decisions is another skill they are good at. As David Cervelin, the author of “Office of Cards”, once said – “I invite everybody to pretend for one hour that you support the exact opposite of what you are supporting and look for information with that mindset. Only in this way will you be able to make an informed decision”.

Ethical judgement

Another feature of responsible leadership is ethical judgment, inspiring trust and fairness. Ethical judgement can only grow out of the belief that work and diligence have a moral benefit and strengthen character and individual abilities.

Open-mindedness

Responsible leaders are receptive to new ideas, arguments and viewpoints. They welcome and encourage diversity of opinions, make informed decisions, and teach their followers to do the same.

Compassion and kindness

Responsible leaders choose to be compassionate – have positive intentions and genuine concern for others. At the same time, they act in all stakeholders’ best interests, remaining kind even when tough decisions are made.

Growth mindset

Responsible leaders know that intelligence and talents can be improved and unfolded through effort and learning. They are willing to invest time and energy to encourage, support, and empower their followers to grow.

Vision

Responsible leaders can focus on the most critical aspects of business and self, envisioning the outcome. They share this vision with their teams in an inspiring way, encouraging others to share their vision and unite efforts to achieve it.

Self-reflection

Responsible leaders practice self-reflection – as a matter of fact, self-reflection is the source where the responsive leaders draw their ability to respond instead of reacting.

Integrity

Responsible leaders “walk the talk” – they live according to the values and principles they stand for.

Respect

Responsible leaders accept others for who they are, disregarding the differences and arguments.

Feedback

Responsible leaders are generous with the feedback, authentic with acknowledgement and praise and kind with critique.

Sense of humour

Responsible leaders know that humour connects. Having a hearty laugh improves communication and makes you more approachable more human.

None of the above is purely professional because a responsible leader does not stop being one at the end of a working day. I see responsible leadership as a lifestyle, and the guiding principles are equally valuable in a familiar setting.

While companies still have to be managed, deadlines met, and deliverables delivered, I believe responsible leadership is the key to more human-centric professional environments. And the most exciting part is that we can choose to be those leaders freely.

Job searching proved to be the most exciting and insightful activity in the last few years. I’ve learned so much about the world, people, markets and psychologies while being interviewed by recruiters and HR people that it might be worth dedicating a separate article to it. Today, however, I want to think about stress.

I was asked about my stress management skills during almost every interview I’ve had. I couldn’t help noticing how central this skill seems to have grown since my last interviews back in 2020. Unemployed, having no certainty of the future, tired and more – there seemed to be a variety of stresses I was expected to be exposed to and manage.

During my second job interview, I realised that my answer to the question about my professional stress management skills confused my interviewers. I don’t manage stress at work, I‘d, say because I don’t have any. And even as my last almost 24/7 job has brought into my life shades of pressure unknown before, I experienced no stress at work.

I was intrigued by the confused reactions of my interviewers. Not only did I analyse my experiences, but many of my colleagues, team members and friends. I tried to formulate what is called stress and how people deal with it.

You are stressed at work when you lack the tools and knowledge to deal with the tasks on hand. The feelings of uncertainty and insecurity drive the emotional reactions that make us feel scared, uncomfortable, anxious and, ultimately, attacked.

Exposed to these emotions, we lose control and feel stressed. Being stuck in fight or flight mode, we don‘t have the tools for fighting and cannot escape risking our income. We become stressed because we cannot deal with what is expected. We might even lose the capacity to deal with what we‘ve been doing already because we are stressed. And it leads to even more stress in turn.

Or so they say. I‘ve seen this happening many times to my colleagues and teammates. I‘ve heard enough references to being stressed to be inclined to believe the scenario. I have, however, failed to experience it.

In her course “Decision-making in the high-stress situations”, Becky Salzman shares that stress comes from an internal reaction. It might feel like an immediate response is needed, whereas it is not. She differentiates between stress and pressure and explains pressure as an applied external force that feels like one must take immediate action.

I am convinced that the best stress management tool (both at work and in life) is a conscious choice. Choosing to understand the nature of stress and pressure. To respond instead of reacting. Choosing to manage pressure by prioritising and delegating. In essence – choosing to actively be in charge of life instead of letting life happen. I agree with Becky that we are better off separating stress from the pressure. It helps us gain more space, peace and, ultimately, agency.

Stay tuned as I‘ll share further tips and tricks on organisation, planning, time management and self-development throughout the year!

Work-life balance

All of us are familiar with the idea of work-life balance. In short, work-life balance is a state of equilibrium where a person equally prioritises one\’s career and personal life.

More often than not, this prioritising seems not to work, though. No matter how hard you try, there will be times when work bleeds into your personal life and vice versa. Just because you clock out for the day doesn\’t mean that you\’re 100 per cent free from work. You may still respond to an email or review your schedule. As an entrepreneur, you\’re always thinking about work in some capacity (10 myths about life-work balance).

The number of tools and techniques found online is truly innumerable. Most of them equip you to manage your life as a project portfolio. 

Life is not a project

And because it is not, project management skills and tools will not necessarily help you uphold the balance. When I studied and mixed various techniques, my primary focus was on connectedness with all the vital areas of my life.

I wanted a tool that would empower me to lead a fulfilled life, nourishing my connection to each life sphere.

Holistic approach

Holistic, by definition, considers a whole thing or a being to be more than a collection of its parts. Therefore, holistic goal-setting allows you to achieve professional and personal goals in a sustainable way.  

My preferred tool to see how I am doing in my life spheres is the wheel of life, not only because it is holistic, but also because it visualises the results. I use the life sphere model with six spheres (finance, career, relations, health & body, personal growth and family and friends).

When I first discovered the wheel of life, I was uncomfortable that it primarily uses the 1 to 10 scale (some examples are here and here). I have adjusted my working model to be 1% to 100% connected to each life sphere. Being 60% connected to my health & body feels authentic, whereas scoring six out of ten feels competitive and artificial.

I actually draw a circle in my notebook and split it into six parts, each representing one sphere. Then I score the connectedness level for each of the spheres. If you want, you can use the Wheel of Life exercise you\’ll find in the Document Library.

Focus areas

I believe in the quote by Tony Robbins – where focus goes, energy flows. Two to three focus areas with the lowest connection score are optimal to allocate my energy wisely. In this way, I don\’t undermine the result I am striving for by trying to do everything simultaneously.  I then define action items for each focus area and split those into smaller doable steps.

A spoken word takes its flight

I believe in the power of written goals. I usually allocate a page in my planner to each focus area, listing the action items (and steps, where necessary). This page usually contains a short statement about why this is important to me. 

Planning, action and accountability

My notebook also holds a monthly accountability section. I spread my action items across the year – it gives me a clear understanding of what I want to be working on and when. Then I visualise specific tasks as placeholders in my calendar, ensuring that I keep enough time for sleep and my day job. In the beginning, I used to have a task list instead of calendar placeholders, and I learned that I always planned more than I was physically able to do in 24 hours of every day. Visual placeholders help me avoid overplanning and save me a lot of monthly frustration at what I have not managed to do.

Review

Grant Cardone, the bestselling author, writes that he has been writing down his goals every morning and night to feel connected. In my experience, a short weekly check-in helps me to stay on track. I use a monthly review to check off the tasks and write a summary of what went good, bad and what I would like to do better. Additionally, I do a semi-annual evaluation of my current focus areas (because they tend to improve when I work consistently). Once a year, I re-read monthly summaries and create a year statement. It is a great way to summarise what I have achieved and how I have grown. 

Procrastination

Sometimes, procrastination happens because I am immersed in a particularly complex project at my day job. Sometimes, it happens because the activity was not as important as I thought. When I see that I have been postponing something for over three months, I try to understand whether it is because I am busy (which is normal) or remove it from the action list altogether. Regular check-ins and monthly reviews enable me to reflect on what I do and, most importantly, why I do it.

Having a goal and setting out the steps to reach it is empowering. Acting on those steps and adjusting them whenever the circumstances have changed shows responsibility and ownership. The sustainable and holistic approach to goal setting puts me into the driver\’s seat of my life, which is the only seat I want to occupy.

Happy New Year Goal Setting!

However, a significant part of the tasks are recurrent, and you can plan and schedule them in advance.

I confess that learning how to recognise and adequately routinise recurrent tasks is one of the most important skills I bring to the table as an EA.

Why? Because the routine is the backbone of everything that I do and it leaves my mind free to handle any task that pops in during the day in the most efficient manner.

Here is a peek into my daily routines and how they came into being.

Morning and evening routines

I pray by my morning and evening routines both at home and at work. I firmly believe they are one of the main reasons behind my productivity.

There is something empowering about ticking off few tasks already before my executive has arrived in the office. Additionally, there is this magic of habitual activities that turn my mind into professional flow mode.

Opening the windows, checking if any last-minute changes have been done to the agenda, viewing mailboxes to understand if there is something urgent, controlling the list of priorities for today, changing the water in the executive\’s office and making sure his favourite mug is in place, checking coffee-machine and dimming the shutters where I know the sun will hit me right into the eyes in an hour…

Having one last check of the mailbox to ensure nothing important got lost in the rush of the day, planning priorities for tomorrow, updating task status and filing all paperwork (as well as shredding all sensitive documentation that is not needed anymore) in the evening gives me a feeling of control before I leave the office and is a signal for my brain to turn the working mode off.

These tasks vary from job to job, from executive to executive, but I always schedule time (and sometimes a to-do list) for my morning and evening routines.

Classical recurrent tasks of an Executive Assistant

There are always tasks that build the job\’s core of an EA, disregarding the industry. To name a few – preparing, minuting and following up and through various meetings (Shareholders, Board, Committees, Management, Team etc.); taking care of executive\’s schedule and travel itineraries; filing and updating certain business documents and reports.

In many countries, Board and Shareholders meetings are regulated, stating the frequency, when should the meeting notice be presented, how in advance The Secretary of the Meeting should communicate an agenda. Some companies have established procedures to keep in line with the legislative deadlines; some have internal regulations where the legislator does not provide any specific guidance.

Setting recurrent advance reminders for these tasks is relatively straightforward then. I prefer Outlook Tasks to Calendar reminders for my routine because I can include a detailed description of everything related to the task right in its body. I can modify and postpone them whenever necessary.

Once I am done setting up these tasks with reminders, I never deal with the question \”should I have prepared anything for the upcoming Board meeting” ever again. The reminders make me aware of the forthcoming issue well in advance, and I plan my time to ensure everything is prepared timely.

Short process description covering all \”must-dos\” and a reminder making sure I pay attention within a reasonable timeframe – all I need to be always on top of the matter.

Task-specific routines as growth tool

Based on my successful experience with the routines, I have learned to apply the same approach to any recurrent task that comes my way.

This approach has helped me deal with the job with less stress and mistakes. Surprisingly, it has also made me look professional in the fields where I have had minimal experience or exposure before.

For example, I have often been asked to take care of some financial and sales reports. To ensure I do the reporting correctly, I sat down with the person responsible for the report before me. I discussed the task in-depth – not only did I ask how to draw the report practically, but I also posed questions about the purpose and the sources of the information. I documented this in my \”Report XY routine\”, which I used next time I needed to draw the report myself.

With time, I learned to understand the specific interconnections of this report and a general idea of the field it was measuring. From there, with a bit of curiosity and time investment, I learned a lot about the specific fields or even industries and sometimes even assumed responsibilities over departments. All based on a simple documented \”how-to\” routine of preparing yet another report.

My previous executive used to praise reasonability. \”Let\’s be reasonable\”, she would say each time one of us got caught in the process and wanted to document or improve things for the sake of documenting or improving.

Same with the routines. Documenting and scheduling makes sense if the input and output are reasonable. Routinising for the sake of doing it will not make anyone more productive, entirely on the contrary. Routines are also not a replacement of proper planning. However, reasonable and actable routines are, no doubts, empowering.